I swear there was a reason for telling you all about my “Sperm Dad” in the last two posts and I tell you all of that to tell you THIS:
YOU CAN REWRITE YOUR STORY.
I am often asked, “Danny, how the heck have you turned out so positive after so much craziness in your life?”
Well first off, just know that I am a completely different person than I was years ago.
I spent many decades years suffering from low self-esteem, crippling depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts attempts.
I learned a lot of coping mechanisms and strategies through counseling, books and good old trial and error.
One thing I am big on, is being able to reframe or rewrite your story.
Things happen to us or around us and our mind works very hard to interpret these things and we create meaning out of them.
For instance, when I found out that my biological father was a sperm donor, I chose to believe THE WORST…
That he was a homeless, drug-addict, jerking off for money and then created a belief around that story that *I* was somehow unworthy.
When I was around 19 years old, I somehow got into a conversation with a young man and for whatever reason, I brought up the story of my sperm donor (he was literally the only person I had ever mentioned it to, up until that point) and guess what he said?
“Wow! That is SO cool!” “Do you know how hard it is to become a donor? They only take the best of the best. You have to be very smart to be able to donate”
WAIT… WHAT?! All this time I believed I had an addict and now I’m hearing that I might be *a genius* (LOL)
But… wait…. this was seriously a new perspective.
“Really?” I said.
“Yeah. It’s really hard to get in as a donor. They test you and have a lot of requirements”
THIS NEWS CHANGED EVERYTHING.
The reality was, nothing changed… but my belief about MYSELF changed.
When I was younger, I was in the gifted programs. I learned to read when I was 4 years old. I was always excellent in school and I had a nearly photographic memory for dates.
Hmmm… maybe my biological dad was smart! Maybe I wasn’t a piece of trash after all…
The reality, after meeting Bruce probably fell somewhere in the middle, to be honest… but what was more important was that the story I CHOSE TO BELIEVE would either empower me or cripple me.
We each have “stories” in our lives that we cling to, to make sense of things, and my question to you is:
“Are your stories empowering or crippling you?”
Is how to reframe and rewrite your story.
Reframing the beliefs I held about my past helped me cope and actually see myself in a completely different light. I believe we ALL have some stories that we have clung to, that aren’t serving us and may be keeping us stuck in some way…
Maybe yours is about why your parents split when you were young.
Maybe it’s about why you can never lose weight/get healthy/change your body. Maybe it’s about one of your relationships and why your partner left you/cheated on you/hurt you.
Maybe it’s about why you can never make more money/get a better job/leave your town.
I’m going to ask you to do an exercise for me:
What is one story that you tell (to yourself or others) that has been possibly keeping you stuck in an area that you no longer want to feel trapped in?
DOWNLOAD this worksheet and I would love for you to reply with your insights, ahas, or what you learned about yourself after doing it.